a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
