The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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