cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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