hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
