Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
