she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
