It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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