dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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