Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
