the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
