Please don't use social media to get back at me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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