The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
