the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
