I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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