Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
