Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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