just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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