Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
