It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Who died my cat blue again?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
