I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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