Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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