the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
