My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
