Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
