i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
COCAINE IS GR8
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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