Umm I'm too high to move.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
