nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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