My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
