i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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