if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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