just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
