Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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