Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
