hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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