i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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