she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
