I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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