I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize