I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
