either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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