You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
