Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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