True but thats because hes a fetus.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize