I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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