Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
