Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
