I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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