you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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