1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
