that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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