he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
