omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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