Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
