i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What a dumb baby whore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
