allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
