oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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