he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
