Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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