do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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