if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
