the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
