my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
